Pygmy Jealousy Can Be So Cruel

Promise you won't tell the other three, but Ella is "my" goat. We have four pygmy goats, Charlie, Ella, Jack and Sally and, just like human kids, all of them deserve equal treatment, but Ella has always shown a preference for me and I'm softhearted enough to reciprocate.
One of the ways that pygmy goats show affection is by standing on you. Whenever I take their morning grain out Ella is the only one that takes the time to walk over the top of my shoes. Charlie, the big male, is always too busy smashing into everyone that comes within 50 feet of his silver food bowl. Jack, usually the object of Charlie's long pointed horns is focused on frantically diving out of Charlie's way. Sally, our smallest goat, is just too fiercely independent to worry about the "humans." Some people theorize that pygmies stand on you to demonstrate their dominant position in the herd, but I refuse to accept this negative interpretation-although I have seen Charlie using Jack as a footstool to reach some tender leaves more than once. I think of it as a personal bond and Ella's way too small to get very far pushing me around-even if that was her objective.
Ella also loves to sit in my lap while I scratch her ears. She's about the size of a big fat cat and will come leaping out of nowhere to land in the middle of your lap. She's the only one of the four that enjoys this level of human contact, although, just like many cats, she only does this on her timetable and only when it's her idea. Clearly she loves the interaction and will just stare into your eyes and nibble at your hands begging to be scratched. And this is where that giant pygmy jealousy can be so cruel.
Ella's desire for interaction conflicts with Charlie's desire to be the goat with the most. As the biggest male, he wants the most food, the first drink of water, the freshest leaves and the head of the line when ears and backs are getting scratched. Charlie is very sweet to all the humans, but a total pain to the other three goats. We have to be very careful to maintain a friendly tone when we're shooing goats out of the doorway or Charlie will take it upon himself to help move everyone else back. Problem is, Charlie moves them with a sharp jab to the ribs from his horns. We're just trying to get the groceries in the doorway, not put a pygmy in the hospital because it crossed into some radius of punishment.
It didn't take Charlie long to figure out that when Ella is sitting in my lap his nose gets scratched about half as much. He also figured out that once Ella was up there I would prevent him from bashing into her; knocking her off my lap. So his new strategy was to set up a circle of attack about five feet around my chair and not let any goats into the circle. Jack and Sally accepted that half is better than none so they just sneak up to the back of my chair and expect that every once in a while I'll reach behind for them.
That leaves Ella doing a little dance just outside of Charlie's circle, waiting for an opening. Sadly, Charlie is lightening fast and very committed; often forcing Ella to jump up on a table and watch from afar. I always stop by Ella's perch and give her a little attention before I run to my chores. And sometimes, Ella still makes it through the slashing horns when Charlie is particularly engrossed in his own nose scratching or if Jack slipping around to the front of the chair distracts him. I'm not sure Charlie really craves the affection that much; he is willing to tolerate it to make sure that nobody else gets more.
I worry that Charlie's obsessive behavior is affecting his relationship with Ella when the humans are not around. Jack and Sally always hang out together and Charlie and Ella, as the lead goats, have a responsibility to maintain appearances for the rest of the herd. Surely Charlie's boorish behavior gives Ella plenty of ammunition to pay him back in a thousand small ways when we're not around. Maybe pygmies are above all this and forsake these petty games of payback and control for the sake of herd harmony.
Pygmy jealousy can be such a big ugly thing. I'll continue working with Charlie and see if he'll acknowledge that his insecurities are really at the bottom of this. Once he knows that we love all the goats equally-remember you promised not to tell him-then maybe he'll share the love.
by Steven Grant